13/6/09 Midwife trouble

In retrospect, it wasn’t serious at all but if I could give the midwife a gentle reprimand, I bloody well would. Natasha had her midwife visit yesterday and it was to check the heart beat, the weight, the size blah blah blah. Apparently it is fortnightly until the birth from now on. I went to one a month ago. Good it is. You hear the heartbeat and she slaps measuring tape on and tells you that your baby somehow equates to normal size. Without making myself look stupid, I believe it is somewhere along the lines of 28cm=28 weeks. If it is, tough to work out huh?! Well it was tough for our stupid midwife, because she decided that we hadn’t had any drama so far this pregnancy. The midwife informed Natasha that the baby doesn’t seem to be growing and is still measuring 29 weeks. “No need to panic but please go to the hospital immediately”! Was her riposte. I get the phone call with “don’t panic, I am sure it is fine” added to calm me down. It won’t calm me down. I wasn’t made that way. I have tried to be all calm and collected many a time in my life. When it comes to personal issues I just can’t. Work mind is another thing. I can deal with anything work chucks at me. Whilst all hell breaks loose at a fire or at a RTA (geeky talk for a car crash!), you will find me very calm and collected. It is why I work so much. To calm me down!
So, I am racing to the hospital to meet Natasha. Almost immediately, I wish I had gone BUPA. It is a horrible room packed with pregnant fatties and their partners or mama’s. Looking like they have all been given the same cracking news the Natasha’s midwife has given her. Natasha (Geoff) has to stop telling me not to panic at this point. She has informed me that she isn’t worried…. Unless they confirm it here?! Oh excellent. Another quick glance around the room makes me wish the doctor would hurry up. It can’t be that bad can it? They have kept us waiting now for an hour so if it was important, we would have gone in already. I am calm. In walks new doctor looking like top doc of whole hospital. Gulp…she is looking at us. Queue panic. She is walking away now and Natasha again leans in to confirm that I shouldn’t panic. She is beginning to sound like Clive Dunn from Dad’s Army now.
At this point I should point out that we have been there a while and done too much people watching. Is that women really with that bloke? That was a good game we played. Also, I enjoyed the, “I wonder how fat she is when she isn’t pregnant”; game.
Finally we are in. I am tempted to play the fool and have a joke with the doctor. I think its nerves; I have always been the same. I love the one where the doc/nurse says please climb on the bed to Natasha, I believe they mean me and start taking my shoes off and climbing on. A classic, crap, yet beautiful piece of comedy art that the doc/nurses have seen and heard happen for years, yet it never fails to surface for me!! I am not playing today though. No, no and no.
Well, of course, there wasn’t anything wrong at all. Course there wasn’t. I should have known that the midwife cannot use a measuring tape. She decided to miss off a few centimeters. Silly us! She cannot tell the difference between 29 cm and 33 cm. Where is the four she was missing? Silly woman.
So, it was nothing. Might as well have a little bit of drama every now and then. Hopefully now it will be plain sailing until the birth. The baby is maybe on the small side but then I am hardly six foot 4.