Saturday 7 August 2010

The blue line

'The cycle super highway'.....

If you hadn't have already seen the eyesore that is the 'cycle super highway', then you would be forgiven for thinking that it it some kind of elevated track from A to B that you merely place your wheels on and it transports you to 'B' from 'A' at breakneck speeds.
Well, that is the vision that I had anyway!

Let me disappoint you somewhat, the cycle highway is on ground level; along the same roads we have always had. In fact, it is in many places, the same cycle lane we always had. But now with an exciting difference........drumroll please.....
The exciting difference is, it is now blue in colour. Yes thats right, blue in colour. Unfortunately this amazing difference is lost on the colour blind cyclist, or the blind cyclist for that matter but I am sure their clever dogs can tell them what they are missing out on.
The said cycle highway is just basically a blue cycle lane all the way from Merton to the city, what a complete waste of time. It looks like cars and motorbikes can still use the same section anyway so all it really does is highlight when they get knocked off next.

So here I am slagging off the 'cycle super highway' and yet I have used it, I used it a few days ago, it wasn't any quicker of course but there was one fantastic outcome. I saw cyclists actually being pulled over and fined for going through red lights.
So after all that, the new Barclays blue cycle highway is such a bad thing after all.

Thursday 5 August 2010

On ya Bike!!

As I have said before and for those who know me, I work alot. I work a hell of alot; it is hard to believe sometimes that I fit in the work and leisure at all.

Two jobs, Family, leisure, studying the knowledge.

I basically do not have time to fill this blog for myself and that puts pressure on me because I feel like I could write this stuff for a long time. If I had the time of course! I said ‘time’ there three times....That isn’t very good English but I am tired (from all the things i try to do)

I have been meaning to write about something for a while, a truly cringe worthy, shameful moment that I have to hang my head for and will hang my head for, for many a year to come.

Before I put it on here for all to see, thus stamping my title of doofus of the year, let me get a couple of things straight.

A- I absolutely have no problem with taking a joke or being the butt of a joke.
B- I hate and despise being embarrassed and ashamed.

Ok, now, with statement A, for those that may have ever noticed, I am the butt of endless jokes regarding my eyes (eye)...... I do give it out so I have to take it.
With statement B.... unfortunately one of my personality traits, which i am not particularly keen on, is that I cannot handle stupidity.

I do not consider myself above anybody but I do consider myself far from stupid and clever enough to deal with most occurrences and situations that this big bad world chucks at me. I find it hard to keep my mouth shut when I witness stupidity; I have to bite my lip. If truth be told, and the truth has to be told on my own blog, It is my biggest annoyance with human kind.

Most of them are completely thick.

So.....

A few weeks ago I popped out after a particularly arduous week of two jobs, family, and Knowledge study (ZZZzzzzz)
I only popped out to the wine bar/pub for a beer with my good friends from my second job, they are good pals of mine and I was only going to consume the one as I was on my scooter. I arrived at the bar early evening and parked up right outside the bar so I could keep a close watch on the bike just in case any ‘youths of today’ or ’chavs’ as they are known, decided to have a nice Friday joyride at my expense.

It was a great hour or so, time to relax, have a laugh, basically; a release from the stress. I had one and a half pints of the usual medium strength rubbish and felt it was time to go home to my family. I said my goodbyes and made my way out of a now very full public house, both inside and outside, what with the nice weather and all the smokers.
For some strange reason, and not the first time I found myself very nervous about getting on my bike in front of all these people and riding away. Why? I haven’t a clue why? But I was and now I felt pressure that was of all my own making. I mean blimey, I only have to get on my bike and ride away; I do it every day on my own. I felt they were all looking at me, what else did they have to look at? I suddenly had made a small everyday occurrence into a massive ‘open mic’ conundrum. Why? Oh why? Did I park the bike right outside, I never checked up on it once anyway.

Get on the bike and ride away.

Don’t stare at anybody.

Don’t wobble or make a sound with the bike.

Just drive away inconspicuously as you would normally.

All I kept saying to myself outside were the above things, over and over and over.
I put my helmet on, key in, ignition and on I got.
So far so good for Lewis and the ‘big event’ of driving away from a busy bar.
I pulled away and for a split second, a minute moment, I had done it, driven away from the bar and released the weird nerves except at that point, the bike just went away from under me, I only just caught it, phew, i had stayed on my feet. But why?...for that moment, that second, I didnt have clue, turned around to look at the people.
They were staring, some sniggering, but pretty much all looking at me. Then it hit me, I had tried to drive away with the wire lock on the backwheel.
It had caused me to come to a complete stop, the back wheel wouldnt even go round so I could wheel it to the side.

I cannot begin to tell you the embarrassement I felt at that given time. I even play acted, good heavens, I play acted and pretended I didnt know what was wrong. I hadnt a chance in hell of getting away with everybody believing that the bike had messed up. I hadnt the hope in hell of the drinkers feeling pity for the poor old scooter boy who's scooter had made him nearly come a cropper. No way.

I just couldnt get the bike to the side so I could then be forgotten. Oh no....I looked around and I now had cars queuing to get passed me. I just wanted to die right there and then, the shame, the stupidity.

Luckily or unluckily you may think, two of the, lets say; more drunk smokers decided that I needed help and pulled the bike to the side. They kept asking me what is wrong with the bike, I just couldnt face it but i had to tell them, I didnt want to lose face but i had to tell them that el-donkus Lewis had tried to drive away with the lock on. I couldnt tell them the reason that i drove away with the lock on was because I was a 34 year old man who got nervous for no reason about driving away......

So, I done something i am not proud of; I acted as if I was stupid and pretend that it wasnt the first time I had done it! If you could have handed me a shovel I would had dug through the tarmac and created a big hole for myself.

What really did not help the matter was that the wire of the lock was now firmly wrapped around the back wheel about eight or nine times and me and drunk and drunker were having trouble.
I daren't look around me in case I saw people pointing and laughing at me.

Oh the shame

Five minutes it took and all three were covered in grease, not that they cared, one even rubbed it in by wondering why I put a lock on such a 'shit' bike as he so kindly put it. I wasnt in the mood to argue or stand up for my precious bike.

I eventually rode away and havent been back since, I certainly wont on my bike again thats for sure.